A Beautiful Memorial

Rheese's headstone was placed on July 5, 2011. I am so happy with it. It is perfect. Everything about it says Rheese from the color of the granite to the pictures and the fonts. I smile whenever I see it : ).

How was Rheese really feeling?

I am reading a book called, "Before My Heart Stops", by Paul Cardall. He was born with a congenital heart defect that was opposite of Rheese. Paul had double-inlet left ventricle and Rheese had double-outlet right ventricle along with other things, but they both had the same repair, a Fontan. The book is his story as an adult waiting for a heart transplant. A lot of it is from the blog he wrote while he was waiting but there are other parts that explain what happened to him as a child growing up with a CHD. As I read it I think back to moments with Rheese. One that I just read had me in tears. He said that before his Fontan he would get so exhausted just walking up the stairs and getting around school that it made him nauseous. For the last few months of Rheese's life he threw up quite a bit and we couldn't find a reason why. Many times it happened at school and he'd have to come home. It just makes me wonder how bad he really felt but didn't tell us. I knew he wasn't feeling good and was trying to find out why but I know I didn't get how bad it really was. A little boy in his class told his dad who then told us that a couple days before he died he told him that his chest felt funny. The boy told him to tell the teacher but he said something to the affect that it does it all the time and will go away. I had NO idea this ever happened because he never told me. I wish I could ask him how long it had been going on. Maybe he had lived with it his whole life, I don't know. He also used to get really grumpy, I mean REALLY grumpy. I now think it was because he didn't feel good and that's how he reacted to it. I used to just think he was being a stinker. Oh, there are so many questions I wish I could ask him. I'll just have to wait. One day I'll have the answers.July 2008 after getting his pacemaker.

Boy Scout Patch

Not too long after Rheese died his Scout leader, Kimball Washburn, told me that he was working on something for us about Rheese. They had moved though so I didn't know if anything would really come of it but it made me feel good that he was thinking of us and him. Last month our troop had its Court of Honor and Kimball came back for it. He got up and talked a little bit about Rheese and how much he had made an impact on his life and how he thinks about him a lot. Just that right there was huge to me and had me crying, then he showed us what he had been working on. He had scout patches made in Rheese's honor. He used the picture of Rheese as a Bear in front of the flag but had the uniform changed from Cubs to Scouts and added the green because it was Rheese's favorite color and the Mickey ears because Disney was such a big part of him. Kimball told us that when he was telling the people what he wanted he said that the most important part was to get his smile : ). He told us that the Rheese Miller Difference is that we need to do our best in all that we do and not complain when things are hard. Rheese was always smiling and didn't complain about his heart. He didn't make excuses that he couldn't do something because of it and that's what we all need to do. I was definitely crying after that presentation. I cannot even begin to tell you how touched I was that he did that for us. Touched isn't even the right word. My heart felt like it was going to burst because I felt so much love. I am truely amazed everytime I hear of how Rheese touched so many people's lives. This little boy made such an impact on people in his short life. I was talking to Kimball afterward and he asked me if it was ok that he added the Mickey ears. Of course, they are perfect!
Rheese with his Scout leaders, Jared Bates and Kimball Washburn.

You'll Be Poor

Tonight we were at my parents' house and this story came up that I had to include on here. George told it at the funeral but it needs to be written. Rheese was very concerned about his cousin, Brandon, not being married and being 25. He used to ask me all the time when Brandon was going to get married. Well, one day he told Brandon that if he didn't get married by the time he was 30 then he was going to be poor. LOL! And he was completely serious. I don't know where he would come up with things like this but he did often. We now like to remind Brandon that he better find someone because he doesn't want to be poor. What a funny boy!

5 months

It's been 5 months today since we laid our little Rheese to rest.  Since those days in March we have been very aware of what day it is each month, whether it be the 11th or the 16th, until this one.  None of us recognized the significance of the 11th of August until a few days later.  I was upset with myself for not remembering but then we wondered if it is a sign that we are healing just a little.  I know I thought about Rheese that day because I do everyday but I must have been thinking of his beautiful smile or his infectious laugh instead of remembering the day he left for his home above.  Most days I wonder if the hurt will ever go away or if I can make it however many years until I can see him again, so maybe our forgetting the 11th, at least this one time, means that it will.  I don't think it will be for awhile, but maybe it will happen someday.  We miss you and love you Rheesey!!
-Niki

Heart Camp

I was at Wal Mart the other day and as I was paying for my stuff the cashier asked me if the bracelet I had on was a Rheese bracelet. I was a little shocked but said that it was. I did not recognize this lady and my mind was trying to figure out who she was. I then remembered a similar experience my dad had a few months ago and that it was Caitlyn's mom. Caitlyn is the girl that Rheese had a crush on. He would blush when he would talk about her. She also has a heart defect. After remembering my dad's story I asked her if she was Caitlyn's mom and she said yes. She asked how I was doing and I told her I was doing ok but there were definitely hard times. Then I asked how Caitlyn was doing and her answer was the same as mine. She then told me that Caitlyn was going to heart camp at the end of the month. This heart camp is on Catalina Island in California and Rheese really wanted to go to it. We thought about it last year but it made me a little nervous sending him off alone since he was only 10 yrs. old. We were going to try for this year. Wouldn't it have been fun for them to go together. But anyway, she told me that Caitlyn had Rheese's name put on her bag for camp in green rhinestones and she also has a Goofy on her bag. I was so touched. It meant so much to me that this little girl still thought about Rheese and wanted to remember him and take him with her. I am still amazed at how many people my little boy touched in his short life. As I left Wal Mart I had tears streaming down my face. How grateful I am for the Lord's tender mercies.

I'm Peanut Butter and You Are Jelly

I love this video of Rheese and I treasure it so much because it shows how much he loves his baby brother, Troy. Rheese loved to sing to Troy and he loved to hear it. This is the song he sang most of the time. It is by InsideOut and he sings it just the way they do. I had tried to record him once but missed it and never had the chance to try again. It wasn't something that could be set up, it needed to just happen. Right after Rheese died and we were still at the hospital, Trevor showed us this video that he had captured on his phone. My heart soared! I was so grateful that he had it. You can see the love in his smile. What a special moment between brothers.